What Scared Me About the Thought of Having Kids

Being a mom is the best thing ever. I've heard so many of my friends say that, and I kind of would get sick of hearing it. I love kids -- I really, really do-- but I was in no hurry having them. Actually, the longer I waited to have kids, the more I would think, "Maybe I just want to be an aunt the rest of my life. Wesley and I are having so much fun just being 'us.' Do we really need kids?" Having kids scared the hell out of me. I worried a lot of times about the negative things -- the cost, the responsibility, how it would change my marriage, etc.

Uhhhhhhhhh...................

I cannot imagine my life without Wes. He is the most precious little boy, and he is all mine. I could be having the worst day at work or wherever, and all I have to do is look at a picture of Wes, and my whole day gets brighter. I wish I could go back to myself a year ago and tell myself, "You are about to really start living life. You are about to love more than you ever thought possible."

I thought it would be a good idea to list specifically all the things I worried about, and how crazy those worries now seem, so here they are:

Worry: My marriage will turn into such a boring relationship . We will fall out of love, because that's what people do when they have kids, right? All the attention will go straight to the kid(s).

Reality: My marriage is awesome. We had a strong marriage before, and our marriage is even stronger now. Wesley could spend all night making goofy faces at Wes and talking in ridiculous voices, but I still notice those bulging biceps peeking out from under his tshirt sleeve. I still notice Wesley's cute butt when he turns to walk away to change Wes' diaper. When he is laughing at Wes, I still notice the sexy way his eyes wrinkle up at the corners. And you know what? He is more inlove with me, too. Yep, he tells me so. I could be trying to soothe Wes and make him stop crying, and I will look over at Wesley with a "I don't know what I'm doing" look, and he will say, "Gosh, I love you so much." I feel so stupid for even worrying about what our marriage would be like.

Worry: The highlight of our marriage will be trying to find the best playground to go to on a Friday night.

Reality: The highlight of our marriage WILL be trying to find the best playground to go to on a Friday night, and we will LOVE it! Wesley and I have acted more like kids than we have in YEARS, and we are having a blast, and Wes isn't even 4 months old yet! My Friday nights have gone from "which restaurant are we going to that will have the best meal and the coldest beer" to "let's brew a pot of coffee and see which toy Wes will reach for this time." It is so much fun! We still go out and have our nice dinners and some beer, but it's not the same.

We actually enjoy more just grabbing a cup of coffee and riding around in Wesley's truck on a Saturday night. Wes loves chilling in the back seat and looking around, and Wesley and I love riding through old parts of town or expensive neighborhoods. Yep, people might look at us as the "boring" couple, but it's actually far from boring.

I also can honestly say we flirt more now than ever, and this is after Wesley has seen my legs up in the air trying to push a baby out AND him see my body leak stuff from all sorts of places, and not just my you-know-what. (TMI, I know.)

Worry: The responsibility of having a kid will be so overwhelming! All they do is cry and poop, and I'll never be able to go out again with friends!

Reality: The responsibility is huge, and they cry and poop A LOT, but it's so rewarding and fun! I have this little person that thinks I hang the moon. And sometimes he can only be comforted by me because he just wants his mama. That is the best feeling ever! I can be having a crappy day at work, but when I get home ane he sees me and starts smiling, all my frown lines fade away. When he cries, I'm not like, "Gosh! I wish he would stop crying so I can have some peace and quiet!" No, I'm more like, "Awww...what can I do to make him better? Poor fella!"

He has had a very tough time with eczema. I can tell that he is so uncomfortable and miserable, and it just breaks my heart. When he is crying, I just want to comfort him. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I do wish he wouldn't wake me up in the middle of the night (he does usually sleep through the night now), but when I'm feeding him at 3:00 a.m., I remind myself that I will miss these days.

I am very thankful that Wes has grandparents that live very close that would babysit him 24/7 if I would let them, so I am able to still go out with friends or whatever. Then again, most of the time I don't want to. I just want to be home with him and my husband. Mom will sometimes beg me to let Wes come over, but I'll say, "I just want him home with me, but you are more that welcome to come visit!"

Oh, and guess what else! Kids are portable! You can take them places, like out to eat!

It's not like this huge burden of responsibility. It's more like a privilege.

Worry: I'm never going to have time to myself to do the things that I want (i.e. workout, do my nails, put makeup on, ahem...train for a triathlon, etc.)

Reality: I have plenty of time to do everything I want! You just have to have some decent time management skills. Believe me when I say -- if I can do it, anyone can do it. And I even have Wes all by myself every 3rd day! I have time to train, I do my hair and makeup more now than I did before Wes was born, and I have time to read magazine and books! I'm not saying I'm super mom by any means, but I do think that some moms completely drop all of their hobbies and interests and let their babies rule their lives (please don't send me hate mail for saying that.) Seriously, though. I think your kids should fit into your life. I take Wes on a jog with me. I put Wes in his bouncy seat in the bathroom while I shower. Babies do sleep, ya know? I paint my nails after I put him to bed for the night. I might read while riding my spin bike in the garage or when Wes is cat-napping. I might have to adjust the time that I want to do things, but I still do them.

I do ask for help, though, too! I might have mom watch Wes while I go on an hour bike ride, even after working all day! GASP! I'm sorry, but working out keeps me sane and therefore a better mama. I don't do that every night, but I do once or twice a week! I look at it as teaching my son good habits. However, I do have to fit in my pool laps during my lunch break, but that's okay!

Worry: Kids are soooo expensive.

Reality: Yep, but not too terribly expensive! However, we are lucky we have great insurance where co-pays are not bad, and prescriptions aren't too bad either. Diapers aren't too cheap, and neither is formula, but we just cut back on some stuff. But then again, we have still been able to afford $50 and $100 race fees, new clothes for all of us, and nice dinners out. We don't go out as much, but that's mainly because we really do enjoy being home more. The saying is so true -- if we had waited until we could have afforded Wes, we never would have had him.

Worry: I already have low self-esteem. Having a kid will make my body look even worse, and I'll be more self-conscious than I already am! And Wesley won't find me sexy ever again! He will just see me as a baby-producing machine.

Reality: I've never felt so good in my own skin. I love myself. I can truthfully say I love myself, and I actually am growing to really love my body. This body carried a huge baby. This body went through a lot carrying that huge baby for so long. This body labored intensely for a long time. This body went through major surgery. This body carried a huge baby around during all times during the night after the major surgery. This body did a triathlon not even three months after having that huge baby. Yeah, so what if I have a little extra pudge around my midsection? Who cares I have some stretch marks? I have this confidence about me that I've never had, and it's the best feeling in the world!

I believe all that I've been throught with the pregnancy and this new found confidence is a total turn-on to Wesley, too. I've been told I have this glow about me now, this is even after having Wes! Like I said earlier, Wesley and I flirt more now than ever. He has seen me at my absolutely ugliest, and he still wants to kiss me all the time!

Anyway, those were just some of my concerns about kids. I will tell you that if I had my choice, I would never go back to my way of like before Wes. I now look forward to having more kids and seeing how each of their little personalities develop and what interests they will have. Everyone told me that I will finally start living now after having Wes, and they were so right.