Here's my whiney rant for the week:
I have been so overwhelmed lately. I feel like I am pulled in so many directions, and I feel like I am always having to make sure that everyone else is happy that my feelings and needs and wants are put on the back burner. I am constantly feeling guilty if I try to do something for ME. That makes for a very cranky me.
What is with women feeling guilty for putting themselves first? This is a common situation for me -- I tell Wesley in the morning, "Hey, I am going to go running after work." He will then be like, "Oh, okay." So, during the day at work I am so excited about running. Then I get a phone call from Wesley saying something like, "Hey, we are out of so-and-so, so will you please stop by the store after work to get it?" Then I will say, "Well, I was going to go running, and I am not going to the store after I go running b/c I will be too sweaty and my face will be too red, and blah, blah, blah." Then you know what he will usually say? He will usually say, "Well, I am sorry." WHAT? Why can't he be like, "OH! I forgot! Don't worry about it. I will run to the store really quickly."
Now, the proper thing for me to do is say, "Well, no I can't go to the store b/c I have been planning on going running after work, and my running will be beneficial for all involved b/c I will be in a much better mood when I get home. Having said that, why don't you pack up Wes and you two run to the store really quickly?" That would be the PROPER thing to do, right?
Well, no, my attitude is not that great. Instead, I get in a pissy mood, and then I am bitchy all day and night. If I were to say the proper thing, I would feel guilty all day that I am asking Wesley to go do something. I would feel guilty for putting myself first. Why is that?
Wesley will tell me all the time that he is going to run when he gets off work from the fire station before he comes home. He doesn't ask my permission, he just does it. Period. Why is that so hard for me to do that? Why does he not feel guilty for coming home an extra hour or two later even after he knows that he has been gone TWENTY FOUR hours already and that I might need a break? Because he is a man? I don't know the answer. I could be gone only nine hours at work and feel guiltly for being gone an extra hour!
AHHHHHH!
I have got to start putting myself first. I know this. Wesley will be much happier, I will definitely be a more patient mother, and I might finally hit my weight loss goal.
I will end this post with a couple of pictures of Wes! Can you believe he is 17 months old?!
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